This day is also a very "heavy" day for me. Before office time, I went to see my son's teacher. He's in first year high school at the Misamis Oriental General Comprehensive High School (MOGCS) whew! A long name... Anyway, as I met his teacher face to face, I was shocked to hear her news:
1. He's not doing his projects, assignments, class activities, etc.
2. He doesn't have grades for the 2nd grading (this is because he was transferred from his "terror" teacher and there were some problems already regarding his writing habits and class attitude (no projects, etc.). His teacher can't compute his grade because quizzes, projects and assignments from the previous teachers were not submitted to his present teacher.
3. For English subject alone, I was shown her (teacher's) class record and my eyes grew bigger (admittedly) when I saw the blank columns (around 20) - list of quizzes scores. He only had one! - and it's a failure. O c'mon... What on earth had he been doing the past ten months?! I know it's only less than two months for the school year to end. The teacher told me that I know my son from head to foot, I should know what's his problem. I know Kent is really so lazy when it comes to writing. That has been his attitude ever since he entered elementary school.
To sum it up, his 1st grading period has two failing grades and two "no grades." 2nd grading - no quizzes, only periodical test results (mostly failed), and 3rd grading - incomplete projects, failed in quizzes and periodical tests. My heart was so heavy. I pity my son, but he left me no choice. I've decided to let him stop schooling immediately. What for? His chances for passing this year is very, very, very slim. Well, as the song goes, "his teardrops fell like rain that day." He said he's afraid of his Papa. I told him, "If you're afraid of him, why did you not study seriously?" He cried harder as I mentioned the words "stop schooling" over and over. I know he'd have a hard time to cope with the passing grades. It's too late.
As I went home, I was asking God, "Am I a failure?" I'm ashamed of myself. My job is okay, I am a pastor - and yet on my motherhood...? Oh God. What adds to the heaviness inside me is that I can't cry it over my husband. I don't want to show him how I am feeling inside. Why? To protect Kent. Because when I have this look, the tears, he might punish Kent badly. I was crying in the inside only. I told him as an introduction, "Love, your (sort of) warning for Kent to stop schooling has come true." He can see on my face "It's okay, we'll try again next school year." But it's NOT an easy feeling, it's a big decision - but again, there's no choice.
As I was preparing to report to the office after lunch (still with a heavy heart), my daughter Honey(tweet) excitedly showed me her perfect and high scores! Including her Art project which is Very Good! Indeed it looked good. She's really artistic. I commented, "Praise the Lord... Yes, you two are just the opposite!" I noticed, hey, there's a 'balance' somewhere...I stopped when I remembered that it's not good for parents to compare their children... Maybe, I guess, I'm not really that 'a failure'.
Again, I entrust everything to God.
I CAST ALL MY CARES UPON HIM!
I CAST ALL MY CARES UPON HIM!